To Hold My Hand
by Just-Soldier-On
Summary: I kicked my feet, the current was strong and I was left drifting in the deep, never ending ocean, the water felt like the pits of my soul, cold, deep, black… but, always, always there was that light. Leah/Embry Rated M- Suicide Attempty and Swearing


So lately I haven't been updating any of my stories, but that is going to change! Soon I will, I promise, right now this is a one shot. Please review, tell me what you think! I love you all.

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><p>Their words rung throughout my head as I overlooked the cliff, the moon's gaze on the water's surface made it shimmer like a thousand tiny diamonds.<p>

"Nobody wants you…" Those three words had slipped from Paul's mouth and attacked my aching heart just moments before. I looked up at the moon, letting it burn into my memory as I took my last breath of the air around me, I took one last step… and then I began to fall into the night, the wind whipping my short, coffee coloured hair.

When my body plunged into the bottom of the ocean I smiled. Cold is the water embracing my skin, it felt like home, it felt safe. I just needed to feel, anything… Visions, memories began to flood into my already cold mind.

_"Daddy, daddy, look what I fwound!" A three year old me squealed in joy. "I fwound a fwog!" I ran up to him, dad's arms were extended, waiting for me to be inside them, to shield me away from the cold winter day that graced the habitants of La Push. "Isn't he pwitty? I think he like youoo!"  
>"Let's goo sweetie, it's getting a bit too cold now"<br>"Bwut… You will warmmm me up, won't ya daddy?" I asked, tilting my head to the side._

_"Leah Clearwater?" Sam grinned as his eyes drifted up and down my body. "You look absolutely stunning tonight" I could feel my parent's gaze's as they watched us… Sam's smouldering hand touched my cheek. "You always take my breath away, you know that? I have died everyday waiting for you, I can remember how long it took me to convince you that." His lips chastely kissed my nose. "Never forget that I love you Leah" _

_"Leah, one day you're going to make a beautiful bride to Sam" Emily whispered, we decided to go into a bridal boutique that day trying on dresses, stuck in our daydream of marrying that perfect guy who would love us forever, who would wrap their arms around us and tell us that everything is going to be okay when we cry. "You look like a princess sweetie" She smiled wrapping her arms around me. "I love you so much Lee" _

_"Is that my baby brover, momma?" I mumbled staring in awe at the tiny baby inside his crib. My parents had a look of joy and pride as they watched me. "Yes Lee-Lee, he is… He's name is Seth." I grinned a toothless smile as I looked down at Seth. "I'm going to be the best biggest sister ever!" Seth's hand reached up to me with a look of curiosity, and soon enough his small hands gripped my pig tail tenderly. _

I could feel it right now… Death was on my doorstep, trailing closer with every slow, ticking second... It was stealing my innocence and thrashing it around.

"Daddy!" Screamed the little girl inside me as I kicked my feet, the current was strong and I was left drifting in the deep, never ending ocean, the water felt like the pits of my soul, cold, deep, black… but, always, always there was that light, the light would pull me away from the struggle that I faced every day, this struggle unknown by my brother's; but by looking deep into my eyes you'd be able to see the hurt, the pain, the shell of a girl who just wants to be set free, to soar through the air like a mockingbird.

_"Daddy, what do you think it's like to die?" I was innocent, curious but for some reason… this was important for me to know. His eyes drifted to mine, smiling a small, light smile. "Well I think that when you die you're frozen in your own perfect world, you're drifting, soaring through the air like a mockingbird without a care… Death is peaceful, you feel no pain. Instead, you're a soul free to roam the world until you think it's time to become something else like a butterfly" He winked, knowing that I loved them more than anything else. "But Lee-Lee sweetie, you only get one chance at life, and you need to live it, there are people out there who would give anything to be able to lead a normal life, but they're too sick to. You should be happy to be here and spend every single day like it's the last one you'll get to live; never give up" Back then, I didn't know what he meant by "Never give up" _

In that single second I looked up seeing the moon…Loose your sight… And then I felt it… The moment I closed my eyes, I was drifting, my body finally starting to give up on itself. Death, when it comes is peaceful, death is painless; your soul is free to roam the world... But in the end, you only get one life, one chance to live… And maybe, just maybe I shouldn't have given up to a moment of weakness.

The last thing I slipped my mind was "I love you mum, I love you Seth… forever" And the last thing I heard was a noise cascading down to my spot on the ocean floor, a body plunged down beside me, wrapping their heated arm around my chest. And then I felt nothing…

"Come on Leah, breathe for me baby… Come on…" The voice was beckoning me to wake up as his hands kept pushing down on my chest. "Breathe" But I didn't want to… I wanted to stay in everlasting rest. "Leah, please wake up" The voice sounded lost, like all hope was being lost from the world if my eyes didn't awake. "Please, I need you" His lips touched mine, putting breath into my lungs, and with one last push onto my chest the water was escaping my lungs, my body lurched forward and my eyes snapped open, taking in the world around me.

"Thank god, Leah!" The voice called out, their arms wrapping around me in an embrace. "I thought I lost you, what were you thinking?" It was… Embry; I found a ball of anger growing inside my stomach as I glared at him.

"Why did you make me live? I don't want to be here, I want to die! I'm sick of feeling worthless all the time, I'm sick of waking up every single fucking morning only to think 'Oh shit, I'm still alive'. I'm sick of seeing Sam look at Emily like she is the only one keeping him alive. I'm sick of hearing my mum cry every night when she think's Seth and I are asleep, but most of all, I am sick and tired of being here on Earth."

"Oh Leah" He whispered. "Why didn't you tell anybody, why didn't you tell Seth? Jacob, Sam or… Me? I would've helped you; we all would've helped you." I pushed out of his grasp.

"Why do you even care? None of you would've cared if I told you that every night before I go to sleep I pick up a knife and cut myself with it, before I walked out of Emily's tonight, Paul, he told me to go kill myself… Do you know what it's like to not be wanted?"

"Yes" He nodded, looking into my eyes. "Leah Clearwater, you are not alone in this, as your pack brother I will hold your hand through all of this. Leah… I have loved you for a very long time, do you hear me? I love you, _I _NEED you, I want you, and you're not worthless. Do you hear me? You are not alone in this and I will always be there to hold your hand. You have a mother, a brother to live for… And maybe one day you'll have me to live for" I looked up at him confusedly.

"You love me?" I whispered. "No one loves me. I'm unlovable; just ask Sam- What about these?" I asked pulling up my long sleeved shirt to show him the scars that no one knew about. "No one loves a girl with so many scars, I have thousands, and not all of them are on the outside"

"No amount of scars could stop me from loving you Leah Clearwater" He whispered, pressing his lips to mine. I moved back in disbelief, he just kissed me, me, Leah Clearwater… The bitter-bitch-harpy of La Push. "Stop it Leah, stop being afraid that someone might actually love you, I'm not Sam, and I'm not going to break your heart. I'm here and I'm going to stay here whether you like it or not Leah, and I will spend every day convincing you just how special you are, I will spend every day showing you how much you mean to me, and I will spend every day defending the love I hold for you."


End file.
